So i decided to dress up as a doctor to go bowling tonight. Randomly.
Here are the links:
Blue Steel, it's copyrighted.
This is suave at its max. Yes, i have a glass of wine in the other hand.
My Identification. That's right, I'm a doctor.
Until I figure out how to post them so they aren't cut off like they were, you'll have to live with links. Sorry guys!
Hahaha so anyways, I hope you all got a laugh from that. Peace out Ya'll!
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
d[-.-]b
Life is complicated, this i know. I am honestly at a loss as to what all is going on in my life right now. I have so many thoughts in my mind, and I am trying to decipher which are real. Life seems so much more complicated than it really should be. Is simple too much to ask for? Maybe.
Either way, this i do know. God is good. Always.
When we talk about being part of the body of Christ, his physical organism that he uses to touch people and love them, we are saying that we are a part of God's plan. He will use us if we let Him! But in this all, we need to understand;
I am not the big picture.
Love them like Jesus, carry them to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Love them like Jesus
Labels:
Photo Credit: Nuno Milheiro
Friday, October 10, 2008
6 Feet Under, Victoria.
Here's a news-ish update of a part of my past few weeks. Nothing to do with school, or the summer. There's my forewarning hahaha.
Summer events are coming soon! And more revelations too i'm sure =)
So for those of you who weren't aware, this summer i began my Open Water SCUBA certification program. It was a weekend course at NAIT (Northern Alberta Institute of Technology) followed by a series of dives in 'Open Water'. Traditionally it seems as if these dives are completed at the nearest acceptable body of water, making it for me... some lake in Jasper (Lake Annette/Lake Edith for those who know/care haha). Glacier water. Wonderful. I... want nothing more than to dive in a freshwater lake, and in a friggin cold freshwater lake at that. I mean, freshwater fish??? EWWW!
She's smiling, but it ate her firstborn.
No surprise then when i reluctantly phoned to book my Jasper trip, I wasn't too disappointed to learn that the trip was full. But when the guy on the phone said "But in September we have a team going out to Victoria" i was pretty much ecstatic.
Anyways, so my point was more to post some photos of my time there, and basically let them do the talking. Kindof a photoblog... but with words.
If we integrate the curve Victoria= t(m,d) between (9,12) and (9,14) it would look something like this... (hehe, the enginerd in me couldn't resist)
Wake up at 5am on a friday to head to the airport.
Our 'dive' of a motel. =p
Arrive bleary eyed and exhausted along with the rest of my dive group.
After gathering our belongings we headed to the dive site (Ogden Point Breakwater) to set up!
The view was breathtaking.
Shaaaaark!!!
I had Sunday all to myself in Victoria. So i wandered downtown and hung around taking some random photos!
One of my favorite shots from the trip.
Edmonton has cows, Calgary has pigs, and Victoria has Orcas.
A Moonrise.
Well I think that about wraps up that photo session. I should probably start heading to bed... I want to get rid of this horrible cold that has plagued me for a few weeks now!
Shalom. :)
Summer events are coming soon! And more revelations too i'm sure =)
So for those of you who weren't aware, this summer i began my Open Water SCUBA certification program. It was a weekend course at NAIT (Northern Alberta Institute of Technology) followed by a series of dives in 'Open Water'. Traditionally it seems as if these dives are completed at the nearest acceptable body of water, making it for me... some lake in Jasper (Lake Annette/Lake Edith for those who know/care haha). Glacier water. Wonderful. I... want nothing more than to dive in a freshwater lake, and in a friggin cold freshwater lake at that. I mean, freshwater fish??? EWWW!
She's smiling, but it ate her firstborn.
No surprise then when i reluctantly phoned to book my Jasper trip, I wasn't too disappointed to learn that the trip was full. But when the guy on the phone said "But in September we have a team going out to Victoria" i was pretty much ecstatic.
Anyways, so my point was more to post some photos of my time there, and basically let them do the talking. Kindof a photoblog... but with words.
If we integrate the curve Victoria= t(m,d) between (9,12) and (9,14) it would look something like this... (hehe, the enginerd in me couldn't resist)
Wake up at 5am on a friday to head to the airport.
Our 'dive' of a motel. =p
Arrive bleary eyed and exhausted along with the rest of my dive group.
After gathering our belongings we headed to the dive site (Ogden Point Breakwater) to set up!
The view was breathtaking.
Shaaaaark!!!
I had Sunday all to myself in Victoria. So i wandered downtown and hung around taking some random photos!
One of my favorite shots from the trip.
Edmonton has cows, Calgary has pigs, and Victoria has Orcas.
A Moonrise.
Well I think that about wraps up that photo session. I should probably start heading to bed... I want to get rid of this horrible cold that has plagued me for a few weeks now!
Shalom. :)
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Moving Forward in New Life
Updates Coming Soon!
Sorry, assignments and exams snuck up on me and jumped me in the park last night. So I'll be back on here (Friday afternoon) with several updates! One recapping my Victoria trip, with LOTS of photos. And then another talking about this past week, and all that's been happening there!
I've had some cool Jesus-revelations, so hopefully I can share those with all of you too! I love Jesus so much, this isn't something I'm saying to pretend like i'm a better person than anyone, or that i have my life set for me or anything. Life is a journey, and it happens to be one that we can't do alone. I'm saying this because it's true. I need Jesus. I want Jesus. Jesus, be my everything!!!!
The LORD has heard my cry for mercy;
the LORD accepts my prayer.
Psalm 6:9
He accepts it. He is pouring His mercy on you right now.
1 Peter 2:23-25 ---> When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.
We see that Jesus knew who He was responsible to, Who had given Him this life, and who He would have to answer to at the end of it all. This didn't scare him!!! It gave him hope that springs eternal! Like i mentioned in my last post, "for the JOY set before Him he endured the cross". He knew what his purpose was. He came to "testify to the truth" (John 18:37) and as it says in John 3:17, "God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to SAVE THE WORLD THROUGH HIM.".
In Christ we have freedom from our old selves. They are dead, but Christ brings us NEW LIFE. He doesn't want us to sit and wonder about the old one, He's already provided a new way of living! Even if we aren't sure where to go, "He goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know His voice." He has prepared the way ahead of us, we just need to trust him, and then follow where he is taking us! Finally, this verse says that while we were going astray, we are back now. The shepherd has us, and is watching over us. He knows where we are right now in life, and he's asking us to realize that we are back, that He's got us, to trust Him, and to move forward! He hasn't called us to a standstill, but to a revolution!!!
"For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." - Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)
Firstly, we are His MASTERPIECE. His pinnacle work, the one the artist is most proud of, and shows off to everyone. He made us new creatures!! We aren't the SAME once we experience God's love!!! It changes us! We won't live the same once we feel Him, not because we are trying to abide by some ancient law of morality, but because GOD CHANGES US. When we see Him we WANT to live differently. "He does not do not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us; just as the roof of a greenhouse does not attract the sun because it is bright, but becomes bright because the sun shines on it." - C.S. Lewis (Mere Christianity).
God has a plan for every single one of our lives. Right there in Ephesians it says that since the beginning of time, God has had a plan for our lives, and appointments that he has set in place for each of us to keep. When i think about that I know that it's in his will (his plan) to even just sit and have coffee with someone for an hour, and listen to where they are at in life. To bring them encouragement! He might have had these coffee dates, or this random stranger encounter, planned since the beginning of time, knowing EXACTLY where we would be right at that moment, and knowing what we needed to hear right then. We serve such an Awesome God. Amen!
That was 100x more than the line "Updates coming soon!", that i was planning on writing. Haha, but when God moves, why not move with Him?
Shalom. May His peace be with you!
PS- (I Will Lift My Eyes)Here's a song i heard for the first time the other day, and I just felt the lyrics spoke to me. Maybe God will use them to speak to you too :)
God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now
God, be near, calm my fear
And take my doubt
Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in
I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You
God, my God, let Mercy sing
Her melody over me
God, right here all I bring
Is all of me
‘Cause You are and You were and You will be forever
The Lover I need to save me
‘Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God
So hold me now
I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You
God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now
Sorry, assignments and exams snuck up on me and jumped me in the park last night. So I'll be back on here (Friday afternoon) with several updates! One recapping my Victoria trip, with LOTS of photos. And then another talking about this past week, and all that's been happening there!
I've had some cool Jesus-revelations, so hopefully I can share those with all of you too! I love Jesus so much, this isn't something I'm saying to pretend like i'm a better person than anyone, or that i have my life set for me or anything. Life is a journey, and it happens to be one that we can't do alone. I'm saying this because it's true. I need Jesus. I want Jesus. Jesus, be my everything!!!!
The LORD has heard my cry for mercy;
the LORD accepts my prayer.
Psalm 6:9
He accepts it. He is pouring His mercy on you right now.
1 Peter 2:23-25 ---> When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.
We see that Jesus knew who He was responsible to, Who had given Him this life, and who He would have to answer to at the end of it all. This didn't scare him!!! It gave him hope that springs eternal! Like i mentioned in my last post, "for the JOY set before Him he endured the cross". He knew what his purpose was. He came to "testify to the truth" (John 18:37) and as it says in John 3:17, "God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to SAVE THE WORLD THROUGH HIM.".
In Christ we have freedom from our old selves. They are dead, but Christ brings us NEW LIFE. He doesn't want us to sit and wonder about the old one, He's already provided a new way of living! Even if we aren't sure where to go, "He goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know His voice." He has prepared the way ahead of us, we just need to trust him, and then follow where he is taking us! Finally, this verse says that while we were going astray, we are back now. The shepherd has us, and is watching over us. He knows where we are right now in life, and he's asking us to realize that we are back, that He's got us, to trust Him, and to move forward! He hasn't called us to a standstill, but to a revolution!!!
"For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." - Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)
Firstly, we are His MASTERPIECE. His pinnacle work, the one the artist is most proud of, and shows off to everyone. He made us new creatures!! We aren't the SAME once we experience God's love!!! It changes us! We won't live the same once we feel Him, not because we are trying to abide by some ancient law of morality, but because GOD CHANGES US. When we see Him we WANT to live differently. "He does not do not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us; just as the roof of a greenhouse does not attract the sun because it is bright, but becomes bright because the sun shines on it." - C.S. Lewis (Mere Christianity).
God has a plan for every single one of our lives. Right there in Ephesians it says that since the beginning of time, God has had a plan for our lives, and appointments that he has set in place for each of us to keep. When i think about that I know that it's in his will (his plan) to even just sit and have coffee with someone for an hour, and listen to where they are at in life. To bring them encouragement! He might have had these coffee dates, or this random stranger encounter, planned since the beginning of time, knowing EXACTLY where we would be right at that moment, and knowing what we needed to hear right then. We serve such an Awesome God. Amen!
That was 100x more than the line "Updates coming soon!", that i was planning on writing. Haha, but when God moves, why not move with Him?
Shalom. May His peace be with you!
PS- (I Will Lift My Eyes)Here's a song i heard for the first time the other day, and I just felt the lyrics spoke to me. Maybe God will use them to speak to you too :)
God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now
God, be near, calm my fear
And take my doubt
Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in
I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You
God, my God, let Mercy sing
Her melody over me
God, right here all I bring
Is all of me
‘Cause You are and You were and You will be forever
The Lover I need to save me
‘Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God
So hold me now
I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You
God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now
Thursday, October 2, 2008
We are living in a world at war, currently situated in enemy occupied territory. Has he noticed?
This has been one of the most intense weeks spiritually ever in my life. I have been constantly bombarded by lies and deception and temptation. And i reacted with stress, anger, bitterness, and cynicism towards people that I love greatly, and could never imagine treating the way i did. And for that I want to tell you all that I am deeply sorry for my actions the past couple of weeks, and pray that you will forgive me for wronging you.
God has been steadfast with me, and was undoubtedly carrying my sorry sack of bones (which he greatly values) through the past week. I believe full well that if God wasn't watching out for me, that i would be dead right now. My life right now is in a position of great authority to speak into people's lives for the Kingdom and Glory of God our perfect maker, and frankly... the Enemy is pissed. He has been trying so hard to destroy my life, to destroy relationships, to damage trust, to have me "dragged away and enticed" as it says evil does to us in the book of James. He has tried throwing so much at me and under no circumstance am I, as a spiritual being, strong enough to withstand that assault. Only by the overpowering grace of God am I alive right now to share how GOOD He is, and hope that this serves as a testimony to that grace I was shown.
So far the school year has been really good. For the most part I love my classes, and the professors are exponentially better than mine last year. It is as if these professors were not simply found on a street corner and offered a job, but were bred for this very purpose! As far as the course load goes, it is much lighter this term than first year was. I don't have 35+ hours of assignments to do EVERY WEEK. But somehow, the devil was able to convince my mind that I don't have it 'under control', and must stress about my state of being. Even as i talk about it, i feel the weight trying to retake the ground which has since been reclaimed. This wasn't JUST stress, it was an entire state of being. A state of total and utter confusion, and doubt, and worry, and then unbelievable stress ontop of that. My mind felt like exploding at the best of times. This ongoing onslaught of evil against my life caused me to stumble, and I became something that I am not. I became a person who was prideful and snobbish, who made snarky comments to wonderful people in my life who deserved none of it. Honestly i had a lot of anger and resentment towards people, and seemed to just be jaded and bitter about anything and everything that was happening. A friend would make a comment about their life's struggles, and immediately i would be thinking "Well of course your life is like that!! You're not trying very hard" and the accusations were just flowing into my mind. I don't think those things! I don't judge people, or hold grudges!! It's just NOT who I AM. But it was everything that I in essence became the past week. As Paul said in Romans 7
"For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do... I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out... Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it... What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! "
Not I, but the sin living in me? That's an interesting perspective! So I kept giving it all over to God, and praying for strength, and praying for a breakthrough. For hope. For that glimpse of light at the end of this impossibly long and dark tunnel.
As I was standing in church on sunday worshipping, I was asking God for an encouraging word, and to place a scripture on my heart. Preferably something that I wasn't familiar with (although knowing a scripture intimately is a powerful thing as well!) on one hand to help me know that this is God speaking to me when the verse matches up perfectly, and isn't just my mind making it all up. However as i JUST mentioned, having scripture 'written on the tablet of our heart' is another way that we allow the Spirit to minister to us, is by having that arsenal of Scripture on the edge of our mind that it can then use to encourage, rebuke, and instruct with at all times. So i was asking God "What verse would you have me read?" "2 Peter" "Okay, which chapter?" "Three." *turns in my Bible* "And which verse(s) in that chapter?" "*silence*" Okay so He wanted me to read all of 2 Peter 3, that I can do. So I sat and started reading....
"Dear friends, this is now my second letter to you. I have written both of them as reminders to stimulate you to wholesome thinking." Wow! Wholesome thinking. This is exactly what i needed to hear right now with all the other thoughts that are very much unwholesome being shoved into my brain at the moment.
"The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." So that's another reason He hasn't come back yet, is that the LORD is still waiting for more to turn in true repentance, I get it. In God's perfect will I think that we all would be one with Him and everyone would gain that eternal life. But of course, our free will let us choose which faction to back. "Men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed." ( John 3:19-20)
We cannot blame God for our condemnation. "For the wages of sin is death". We actually EARN death. We work towards death through committing sin, just as we work towards holiday time, or a paycheck with a career. Luckily for us, that verse has a part b, "but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." So where does that leave us? Back to 2 Peter 3.
"But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything in it will be laid bare.
Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be? You ought to live holy and godly lives as you look forward to the day of God and speed its coming."
So by living godly lives, we are taking the portion of Christ given to us, and living that to the world. In doing so we further the kingdom of God, and as this verse tells us, we speed His return!! The Invasion of this enemy-occupied territory. Hooah.
"So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with him."
"Therefore, dear friends, since you already know this, be on your guard so that you may not be carried away by the error of lawless men and fall from your secure position. But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen." Beautiful.
During this same time of worship, Hebrews 12 was also placed into my mind as a passage to meditate on. I'll highlight some key phrases that i took from this passage.
"let us throw off everything that hinders... and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross...
Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
Jesus was thinking about you when he was tortured and beaten to a pulp. He thought about you when he carried his cross towards Golgotha where he was to be executed for, in essence and actuality, YOUR SINS. And when that Roman officer put those nails through the wrists of this man Jesus, all that was on Jesus' mind was doing His Father's will by taking on our iniquities, our punishment. And he faced that all with JOY?? Like, looking at my life, do I have joy? Do i honestly and sincerely radiate the hope of Jesus Christ through the joy-fruit in my life? Why not? Jesus faced all that for us, and He could do it because of the joy set before Him. I think we need a little of that in our lives! In Nehemiah it says that "the joy of the LORD is your strength!". How beautiful is that? How much more beautiful would it be to see that in action? To be living my life with the joy of the Lord as my day to day and moment to moment strength. It says to 'consider Christ who faced such opposition' and to therefore 'not grow weary and lose heart'. Keep pressing on. Through the battle. Through the Valley of the shadow of death. Don't lose heart! Christ has been here before. He has experienced it, and he can guide us through it now.
So I was trying to live every day this week, focussing on jesus, fixing my eyes on Him and 'making every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with him.' What a battle. And it was one that I feel Christ did 99% of the fighting during. I tried praying against it, but my mind was so clouded and confused that it was a challenge to piece together effective prayers. So i tried praying against the cloudiness then, and it worked temporarily, but soon the next wave of enemies was upon me. At many time it felt like a losing battle from my point of view... I thank God that Jesus didn't feel the same way about it!
So then yesterday I was in a computer lab at school working on an assignment, still feeling this overwhelming pressure, and i began to lose my breath. The heavy weight on my chest was an immediate indicator of the evil [still] present, and when it became that hard to draw breath i knew that something much greater than me being stressed was afoot. Then my heart began beating really really hard, and it hurt as it beat. It started beating irregularly it seemed, not in its slow steady syncopated rhythm as usual, but erratically and off-beat, which was mostly annoying to the obsessive-compulsive side of me =p. I thought i was experiencing some degree of massive cardiac trouble, and definitely considered going to get medical assistance. The incredible chest pains around my heart signified in some way the battle going on over it at that moment, and i began to cry out to God to be my defender in that moment of vulnerability. I knew that Christ would have victory in that battle, and that the pain and distress of the moment would dissipate when the evil spirit was gone... but i didn't know how long that would be. I actually thought that i was about to physically die. Right there in the ETLC. What a sad place to die (The Engineering Teaching and Learning Complex) hahaha. But I also had this very real idea that if the evil attacking me were to kill me, that Christ could just as easily bring me straight back to life. So I was praying that others would be interceding for me at that moment, so that triumph would arrive!
[I also decided to skip walking to the ER because i didn't want to wait for hours in the waiting room, and would rather go home early and die there if i really had to hahaha. Just being honest here! ER's are not something i want to regularly partake in =p]
So I felt Christ intervene and I felt that freedom and renewal of body, mind, heart, and spirit all come upon me. And that feeling has been coming more to fruition over the past day as i continue to just run after God, and seek Him with all that I am. It has been incredible. Relieving. Freeing. Encouraging. And a huge step ... nono, many huge steps towards the man of God that i so yearn to be.
By the way, Mere Christianity - CS Lewis, is incredible. We're studying it in my Tuesday night Bible study (to differentiate it from the other 3 studies i'm a part of right now haha), and today on my breaks i was reading far ahead of where we have gotten to during that time. It was so intruiging i just had to keep reading. Anyways, my next post will be thoughts from that. Today one chapter in particular blew me away (see ---> http://www.philosophyforlife.com/mc09.htm ). You can read this chapter (and the book in its entirety) on this website!
So all this to say. Carey's back.
And I'm better than ever thanks to my buddy, J.C.
Cheers Ya'll.
God has been steadfast with me, and was undoubtedly carrying my sorry sack of bones (which he greatly values) through the past week. I believe full well that if God wasn't watching out for me, that i would be dead right now. My life right now is in a position of great authority to speak into people's lives for the Kingdom and Glory of God our perfect maker, and frankly... the Enemy is pissed. He has been trying so hard to destroy my life, to destroy relationships, to damage trust, to have me "dragged away and enticed" as it says evil does to us in the book of James. He has tried throwing so much at me and under no circumstance am I, as a spiritual being, strong enough to withstand that assault. Only by the overpowering grace of God am I alive right now to share how GOOD He is, and hope that this serves as a testimony to that grace I was shown.
So far the school year has been really good. For the most part I love my classes, and the professors are exponentially better than mine last year. It is as if these professors were not simply found on a street corner and offered a job, but were bred for this very purpose! As far as the course load goes, it is much lighter this term than first year was. I don't have 35+ hours of assignments to do EVERY WEEK. But somehow, the devil was able to convince my mind that I don't have it 'under control', and must stress about my state of being. Even as i talk about it, i feel the weight trying to retake the ground which has since been reclaimed. This wasn't JUST stress, it was an entire state of being. A state of total and utter confusion, and doubt, and worry, and then unbelievable stress ontop of that. My mind felt like exploding at the best of times. This ongoing onslaught of evil against my life caused me to stumble, and I became something that I am not. I became a person who was prideful and snobbish, who made snarky comments to wonderful people in my life who deserved none of it. Honestly i had a lot of anger and resentment towards people, and seemed to just be jaded and bitter about anything and everything that was happening. A friend would make a comment about their life's struggles, and immediately i would be thinking "Well of course your life is like that!! You're not trying very hard" and the accusations were just flowing into my mind. I don't think those things! I don't judge people, or hold grudges!! It's just NOT who I AM. But it was everything that I in essence became the past week. As Paul said in Romans 7
"For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do... I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out... Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it... What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! "
Not I, but the sin living in me? That's an interesting perspective! So I kept giving it all over to God, and praying for strength, and praying for a breakthrough. For hope. For that glimpse of light at the end of this impossibly long and dark tunnel.
As I was standing in church on sunday worshipping, I was asking God for an encouraging word, and to place a scripture on my heart. Preferably something that I wasn't familiar with (although knowing a scripture intimately is a powerful thing as well!) on one hand to help me know that this is God speaking to me when the verse matches up perfectly, and isn't just my mind making it all up. However as i JUST mentioned, having scripture 'written on the tablet of our heart' is another way that we allow the Spirit to minister to us, is by having that arsenal of Scripture on the edge of our mind that it can then use to encourage, rebuke, and instruct with at all times. So i was asking God "What verse would you have me read?" "2 Peter" "Okay, which chapter?" "Three." *turns in my Bible* "And which verse(s) in that chapter?" "*silence*" Okay so He wanted me to read all of 2 Peter 3, that I can do. So I sat and started reading....
"Dear friends, this is now my second letter to you. I have written both of them as reminders to stimulate you to wholesome thinking." Wow! Wholesome thinking. This is exactly what i needed to hear right now with all the other thoughts that are very much unwholesome being shoved into my brain at the moment.
"The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." So that's another reason He hasn't come back yet, is that the LORD is still waiting for more to turn in true repentance, I get it. In God's perfect will I think that we all would be one with Him and everyone would gain that eternal life. But of course, our free will let us choose which faction to back. "Men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed." ( John 3:19-20)
We cannot blame God for our condemnation. "For the wages of sin is death". We actually EARN death. We work towards death through committing sin, just as we work towards holiday time, or a paycheck with a career. Luckily for us, that verse has a part b, "but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." So where does that leave us? Back to 2 Peter 3.
"But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything in it will be laid bare.
Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be? You ought to live holy and godly lives as you look forward to the day of God and speed its coming."
So by living godly lives, we are taking the portion of Christ given to us, and living that to the world. In doing so we further the kingdom of God, and as this verse tells us, we speed His return!! The Invasion of this enemy-occupied territory. Hooah.
"So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with him."
"Therefore, dear friends, since you already know this, be on your guard so that you may not be carried away by the error of lawless men and fall from your secure position. But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen." Beautiful.
During this same time of worship, Hebrews 12 was also placed into my mind as a passage to meditate on. I'll highlight some key phrases that i took from this passage.
"let us throw off everything that hinders... and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross...
Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
Jesus was thinking about you when he was tortured and beaten to a pulp. He thought about you when he carried his cross towards Golgotha where he was to be executed for, in essence and actuality, YOUR SINS. And when that Roman officer put those nails through the wrists of this man Jesus, all that was on Jesus' mind was doing His Father's will by taking on our iniquities, our punishment. And he faced that all with JOY?? Like, looking at my life, do I have joy? Do i honestly and sincerely radiate the hope of Jesus Christ through the joy-fruit in my life? Why not? Jesus faced all that for us, and He could do it because of the joy set before Him. I think we need a little of that in our lives! In Nehemiah it says that "the joy of the LORD is your strength!". How beautiful is that? How much more beautiful would it be to see that in action? To be living my life with the joy of the Lord as my day to day and moment to moment strength. It says to 'consider Christ who faced such opposition' and to therefore 'not grow weary and lose heart'. Keep pressing on. Through the battle. Through the Valley of the shadow of death. Don't lose heart! Christ has been here before. He has experienced it, and he can guide us through it now.
So I was trying to live every day this week, focussing on jesus, fixing my eyes on Him and 'making every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with him.' What a battle. And it was one that I feel Christ did 99% of the fighting during. I tried praying against it, but my mind was so clouded and confused that it was a challenge to piece together effective prayers. So i tried praying against the cloudiness then, and it worked temporarily, but soon the next wave of enemies was upon me. At many time it felt like a losing battle from my point of view... I thank God that Jesus didn't feel the same way about it!
So then yesterday I was in a computer lab at school working on an assignment, still feeling this overwhelming pressure, and i began to lose my breath. The heavy weight on my chest was an immediate indicator of the evil [still] present, and when it became that hard to draw breath i knew that something much greater than me being stressed was afoot. Then my heart began beating really really hard, and it hurt as it beat. It started beating irregularly it seemed, not in its slow steady syncopated rhythm as usual, but erratically and off-beat, which was mostly annoying to the obsessive-compulsive side of me =p. I thought i was experiencing some degree of massive cardiac trouble, and definitely considered going to get medical assistance. The incredible chest pains around my heart signified in some way the battle going on over it at that moment, and i began to cry out to God to be my defender in that moment of vulnerability. I knew that Christ would have victory in that battle, and that the pain and distress of the moment would dissipate when the evil spirit was gone... but i didn't know how long that would be. I actually thought that i was about to physically die. Right there in the ETLC. What a sad place to die (The Engineering Teaching and Learning Complex) hahaha. But I also had this very real idea that if the evil attacking me were to kill me, that Christ could just as easily bring me straight back to life. So I was praying that others would be interceding for me at that moment, so that triumph would arrive!
[I also decided to skip walking to the ER because i didn't want to wait for hours in the waiting room, and would rather go home early and die there if i really had to hahaha. Just being honest here! ER's are not something i want to regularly partake in =p]
So I felt Christ intervene and I felt that freedom and renewal of body, mind, heart, and spirit all come upon me. And that feeling has been coming more to fruition over the past day as i continue to just run after God, and seek Him with all that I am. It has been incredible. Relieving. Freeing. Encouraging. And a huge step ... nono, many huge steps towards the man of God that i so yearn to be.
By the way, Mere Christianity - CS Lewis, is incredible. We're studying it in my Tuesday night Bible study (to differentiate it from the other 3 studies i'm a part of right now haha), and today on my breaks i was reading far ahead of where we have gotten to during that time. It was so intruiging i just had to keep reading. Anyways, my next post will be thoughts from that. Today one chapter in particular blew me away (see ---> http://www.philosophyforlife.com/mc09.htm ). You can read this chapter (and the book in its entirety) on this website!
So all this to say. Carey's back.
And I'm better than ever thanks to my buddy, J.C.
Cheers Ya'll.
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