I'm going to be updating you guys soon again with a heavy prayer request. For over the past month we have had zero rain. It being the rainy season here, it's currently on the verge of drought and it's going to be a very bad scene if it hasn't already become one. The next year most of this country it seems won't have food.
After our first week of rain, as I laid awake one night listening to the witch doctors in all the communities screaming and banging their drums I thought to myself "I want to walk over there, and have an Elijah showdown with these men. Show them who has the real authority. Not their dead ancestors, but the risen Christ."
A week later Keren, another short termer here from Alberta, said the same thing to me, that she thought we should have an Elijah showdown with them. Because we need rain, and we want God, not the curandeiro's to have the glory.
A week later Jeff came over and said that he had just had this idea as well. This week I overheard one of the missionaries here, Rick, saying the same thing to some of the local pastors who work on the farm here.
I honestly believe that we need to gather the forces, and do some battle in the heavenly realms. To show these people that our God is real, and that He is almighty. For Him to receive the glory and honour and praise. And for the rains He sends to revive the crops and save Mozambique from this impending famine.
I would love to have my brothers and sisters back home join us in this battle. That the armies of Heaven would descend and that we would witness the power of our LORD as we engage in combat.
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Eph 6:12
Amen.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
A little bit on the future..
I'm pretty pumped right now.
Yeah, just like that.
So to catch everyone up on some of my thought processes the past month. And mostly just to write it all down :P
Well I'm still in Mozambique, it's a hot Sunday afternoon as I write this and we've been relaxing most of the day.
Going back a little farther now..
During our first week in Moz, Jeff and I were amazed at the vast and varied nature of projects that ASAM is a part of. We're still amazed at it btw haha. But the thing that we both saw instantly is potential. Sure they have SO many huge things going on, but 'what if..'?
What if they had MORE specialized teams come out here?
What if I had the skills to lead this project? To build this bridge?
What if they had a corporate sponsor for the cattle program?
What if more people could see what we see?
I think that a lot would happen if we were able to expand the vision of this all back in Canada.
So while we're hoping to spread the word, and promote all this amazing work that's going on here, we're also taking this personally.
I for one really hope to be able to come back to Africa in a few years, and eventually be able to move here more permanently.
But not without first getting training, schooling, and skills. If I come here to live I want to be able to contribute to things and then have the ability to expand, adapt, and drive new endeavours.
So I decided that I should start looking into school programs of things that I would enjoy doing, and looking for work to pay for things that I would enjoy doing. I came across a whole schwack of options for all of the above.
Architecture, construction, business, marketing, culinary arts, and most recently a bevy of choices tailored to International Development, Peacebuilding, Disaster Relief, and Human Security. I'm not sure what all those latest ones entail, but I'm going to be doing more research into them over the next week. They just sounded like very interesting and applicable things to have a working knowledge about.
I've also been looking into flight school, because I figure having the ability to fly is like having a superpower, but just more expensive and less effective. There are a few kicking around Edmonton, and I'm sure I'll hear about more as the time comes closer. Cooking Lake would be cool because I think it's not as busy, Centennial Flying Club I just read about yesterday at random and I think it's in Edmonton, and a few others. There's always Prairie Bible college too, but I would want to have most of my hours done for the commercial already over time, so that I wasn't sitting on a whole buttload of money to go there and try to fly a ton all at once. But their mission aviation certificate thingy would be something to look into. I don't know if it actually means anything to the rest of the world haha.
So then my question was "Well now how do I pay for schooling?" Because if I'm going to try and fly, that's very expensive, and taking any sort of education also requires money to do.
This lead to me looking into several different career paths including, Insurance Sales (probably commercial), Air Traffic Control, Costco (haha it would take me a long time to get through school and flying), or working as a lab tech at Legrand NW.
I think they would all be pretty cool jobs. I mean I love working at Costco, it's facepaced and a lot of fun. Insurance is something that I think that I would enjoy, simply because I like interacting with people. ATC is REALLY cool looking, and I like the idea of it being challenging to get into it as well. And being a Lab Tech at Legrand would be so much fun, and I know that I would learn a lot there.
But in connection with my last post and the stuff that never made it on there, I have felt as if I should pursue Air Traffic Control. I'm not sure what all that means, or if I'll actually get on with NAV Canada, or what I might learn there (knowledge-wise) that I would be able to bring to Africa, but I feel a great deal of joy and peace when I think about it. I'm really excited for the possibility to go to their school, learn fulltime all the time, run stuff on training simulators, be the best I can be. I think I'd love the job! I'm not sure if i'll make it in or not, as I mentioned they are quite competitive. They are trying to draw more people in, and I was reading that while 2008/9 were slower years because of the economy (no money, no vacations, no flights, no need to manage flights, no job, no money, no vacations for you either..) they are thinking that 2010 will start coming back to more [normal] hiring. But it sounds like they might just be trying to get a larger pool of people to choose the very few from to train and give jobs to. I think it's in the neighbourhood of 30 people in each flight region that are taken in for training (10 as each FSS, IFR, VFR), which is small, but still gives me lots of opportunity to be one of them (Lord willing!).
My thoughts are that God will do what He wants with my life. I have submitted myself to His plans and desires, I want what He wants! So since I've felt like I should (or at least am allowed to) pursue this, I have started my application. If He doesn't want it to happen, there will be numerous chances throughout the phases of testing for me to fail miserably. And if He does? Then that's what I'll do. I'm not worried about it either way. There are enough opportunities that He's presented me with, and more keep coming up. I want to serve Him. Whether I do that through being a pilot, or a lab tech, an ATC, a pasta chef, or something else, I will do it with all that I am. His plans are greater. I do feel like I need to come back to Africa, but it's up to Him whether that's three years from now, or 8 years. I'll get the training and life experience that I need to in that time, and He will bring me back in perfect harmony if I am listening.
Why worry about tomorrow? Today has enough troubles of its own.
Allllll of that said. I started my application to NAV Canada.
You have to fill out this whole online resume essentially, and then there is a short essay, followed by two online exams.
I spent a couple of days staring at the essay question wondering what to write, and then finally got down to business. Over the course of two days I wrote and reworked the essay, I wanted it to be perfect, or at least get me through to the next step. No sense in doing a shoddy 10 minute essay if that is the end of your application, right?
So yesterday I finished my essay and sent it off to NAV Canada. Right after I did that the Genny shut off 5 minutes early, so I was lucky to have it all saved and sent :)
Then I finished up the survey at the end of the initial application, but had to come sit beside the battery powered modem in the office to complete that (no power except the car batteries here). After I was done the first two steps in Phase 1, Registration and Application, I was looking curiously at the two exams. Personality & Cognitive. The personality test stated that it was NOT timed, and just to go through and take the 15-30 minutes, answer the questions with Strongly Disagree to Strongly Agree, and to answer honestly, because they'll catch you cheating. Hahaha well, something like that. Basically they have a redundancy built into the questions, so it asks "Do you like to keep routine in your job?" and then 30 questions later (there were #158) they'd say "Do you like variety in your work?" and then "Do you dislike having routine?" hahaha. So I just tried to be consistent, and based on how it was worded, answer honestly. There were a few that I thought could be taken several ways, but I just answered it the first way that had come to mind, and left it at that.
So I passed the personality test! Apparently this initial tip of the iceberg assessment says that I have the personality type that would work with this job.
Then I was looking long and hard at the instructions for the cognitive exam, which sounded pretty much just like an IQ test. You have 8 minutes, 30 questions, progressively harder.
"It is very unlikely that you will finish all of the questions in the given time, simply answer them to the best of your ability and move on. Do not spend too much time on a single question."
I was pretty nervous to take it, because what if the internet died or something, but at the bottom of the page they say "If you suffer a power loss or loss of connection please call *-***-***-**** to arrange a re-exam" or something that extent.
So again, just like as I was submitting the essay wrote the personality test, I prayed and gave it all over to God. My success, my failure, this whole process. That His hand would be in it and that I would see His hand at work in it.
And I clicked 'Begin'. Super tense, me all giddily jumping in my chair.
False start. There's another page of instructions. Okay, now is the time. FREEEDOOO- oh. Nope. They have a practice test first, okay, three questions, lets rock this joint.
Ten seconds later (literally) I had correctly answered all three questions. Fair enough... Lets get this done with!!
Nope. Another page of instructions... Gosh, I thought they were just going to throw me into it!
Oh shoot, I need a pen and paper *scours the office*, darn, nothing. So I ran to Francois & Alta's place to borrow a pen. And then came running back in to begin!
Okay. Begin Test. Finally. Oh. Nope, one more page saying "After this the test will start".
At least they give fair warning!!
So then i started. :D
Which of the following is the opposite of Cold.
Chilly
Frigid
Tepid
Glacial
Frosty
-> Tepid, fair enough.
In the first 26 seconds I had completed the initial 4 questions. Each question is on a separate page, and once you submit your chosen answer the timer stops, saves your answer, and loads the next page. So I decided to keep track of my time, to see how far I would get. The thing that seemed to slow me down the most was not having my Logitech G15 mouse in my hand, I was craving the accuracy of that little guy to click the radio button and then down to the bottom of the page to click submit.
1:58, 11 Questions
2:33, 14 Questions
3:05, 17 Questions
4:02, 23 Questions
5:14, 29 Questions
6:05, 30 Questions.
Fin.
Then a review page popped up, and I was looking down at my scrap paper working out the last problem again and didn't realize the clock was still going. Crap.
6:17, Exit exam.
So I felt pretty good about myself at the end. I'm not sure if it's actually 'very unlikely' to finish that exam in 8 minutes, or if I'm just super speedy?
All I can say is that God's given me a brain, and IQ test scores from back in the day said its pretty well okay :)
So now I need to wait 'up to three business days' to get my results back on that one. I have to say I'd be pretty thrilled if they came within two days (January 12), but it's out of my control!
And now we play the waiting game...
Well we would, but I didn't post this last night.
This morning I already had gotten the message on the NAV Canada Applicant page saying that I was now moving onto the next phase! I have been given the greenlight on that exam. Haha I would love to see my score on it, I know I got the last question wrong but other than that I felt really good about it.
So now again... we play the waiting game. The next step is they email me to invite me to a 3 hour assessment session where I do a whole bevy of exams. But this portion of it takes place at my local Area Control Centre, so back in Edmonton. My part for now in this adventure is done! Let's hope and pray that the assessment isn't before I'm back in Mid-March! But Jesus has my back, so I know it will be okay.
Anyways, I'm starving. We're supposed to be painting the preschool after lunch with Francois, but it looks like the sun broke through the clouds (PS, please PRAY for rain!! We're so so desperate, and all of the crops will die if it doesn't rain lots.) and so it's going to be hot. Maybe too hot to be outside painting, but we'll see!!
Here are a few photos of our time in Africa. Just a few.
Huts in the community right near here.
Tendai & the good Sir Jeff
An unwelcome visitor! Bah.
The work team shovelling sand.
Cheers guys.
Lotsa love
Yeah, just like that.
So to catch everyone up on some of my thought processes the past month. And mostly just to write it all down :P
Well I'm still in Mozambique, it's a hot Sunday afternoon as I write this and we've been relaxing most of the day.
Going back a little farther now..
During our first week in Moz, Jeff and I were amazed at the vast and varied nature of projects that ASAM is a part of. We're still amazed at it btw haha. But the thing that we both saw instantly is potential. Sure they have SO many huge things going on, but 'what if..'?
What if they had MORE specialized teams come out here?
What if I had the skills to lead this project? To build this bridge?
What if they had a corporate sponsor for the cattle program?
What if more people could see what we see?
I think that a lot would happen if we were able to expand the vision of this all back in Canada.
So while we're hoping to spread the word, and promote all this amazing work that's going on here, we're also taking this personally.
I for one really hope to be able to come back to Africa in a few years, and eventually be able to move here more permanently.
But not without first getting training, schooling, and skills. If I come here to live I want to be able to contribute to things and then have the ability to expand, adapt, and drive new endeavours.
So I decided that I should start looking into school programs of things that I would enjoy doing, and looking for work to pay for things that I would enjoy doing. I came across a whole schwack of options for all of the above.
Architecture, construction, business, marketing, culinary arts, and most recently a bevy of choices tailored to International Development, Peacebuilding, Disaster Relief, and Human Security. I'm not sure what all those latest ones entail, but I'm going to be doing more research into them over the next week. They just sounded like very interesting and applicable things to have a working knowledge about.
I've also been looking into flight school, because I figure having the ability to fly is like having a superpower, but just more expensive and less effective. There are a few kicking around Edmonton, and I'm sure I'll hear about more as the time comes closer. Cooking Lake would be cool because I think it's not as busy, Centennial Flying Club I just read about yesterday at random and I think it's in Edmonton, and a few others. There's always Prairie Bible college too, but I would want to have most of my hours done for the commercial already over time, so that I wasn't sitting on a whole buttload of money to go there and try to fly a ton all at once. But their mission aviation certificate thingy would be something to look into. I don't know if it actually means anything to the rest of the world haha.
So then my question was "Well now how do I pay for schooling?" Because if I'm going to try and fly, that's very expensive, and taking any sort of education also requires money to do.
This lead to me looking into several different career paths including, Insurance Sales (probably commercial), Air Traffic Control, Costco (haha it would take me a long time to get through school and flying), or working as a lab tech at Legrand NW.
I think they would all be pretty cool jobs. I mean I love working at Costco, it's facepaced and a lot of fun. Insurance is something that I think that I would enjoy, simply because I like interacting with people. ATC is REALLY cool looking, and I like the idea of it being challenging to get into it as well. And being a Lab Tech at Legrand would be so much fun, and I know that I would learn a lot there.
But in connection with my last post and the stuff that never made it on there, I have felt as if I should pursue Air Traffic Control. I'm not sure what all that means, or if I'll actually get on with NAV Canada, or what I might learn there (knowledge-wise) that I would be able to bring to Africa, but I feel a great deal of joy and peace when I think about it. I'm really excited for the possibility to go to their school, learn fulltime all the time, run stuff on training simulators, be the best I can be. I think I'd love the job! I'm not sure if i'll make it in or not, as I mentioned they are quite competitive. They are trying to draw more people in, and I was reading that while 2008/9 were slower years because of the economy (no money, no vacations, no flights, no need to manage flights, no job, no money, no vacations for you either..) they are thinking that 2010 will start coming back to more [normal] hiring. But it sounds like they might just be trying to get a larger pool of people to choose the very few from to train and give jobs to. I think it's in the neighbourhood of 30 people in each flight region that are taken in for training (10 as each FSS, IFR, VFR), which is small, but still gives me lots of opportunity to be one of them (Lord willing!).
My thoughts are that God will do what He wants with my life. I have submitted myself to His plans and desires, I want what He wants! So since I've felt like I should (or at least am allowed to) pursue this, I have started my application. If He doesn't want it to happen, there will be numerous chances throughout the phases of testing for me to fail miserably. And if He does? Then that's what I'll do. I'm not worried about it either way. There are enough opportunities that He's presented me with, and more keep coming up. I want to serve Him. Whether I do that through being a pilot, or a lab tech, an ATC, a pasta chef, or something else, I will do it with all that I am. His plans are greater. I do feel like I need to come back to Africa, but it's up to Him whether that's three years from now, or 8 years. I'll get the training and life experience that I need to in that time, and He will bring me back in perfect harmony if I am listening.
Why worry about tomorrow? Today has enough troubles of its own.
Allllll of that said. I started my application to NAV Canada.
You have to fill out this whole online resume essentially, and then there is a short essay, followed by two online exams.
I spent a couple of days staring at the essay question wondering what to write, and then finally got down to business. Over the course of two days I wrote and reworked the essay, I wanted it to be perfect, or at least get me through to the next step. No sense in doing a shoddy 10 minute essay if that is the end of your application, right?
So yesterday I finished my essay and sent it off to NAV Canada. Right after I did that the Genny shut off 5 minutes early, so I was lucky to have it all saved and sent :)
Then I finished up the survey at the end of the initial application, but had to come sit beside the battery powered modem in the office to complete that (no power except the car batteries here). After I was done the first two steps in Phase 1, Registration and Application, I was looking curiously at the two exams. Personality & Cognitive. The personality test stated that it was NOT timed, and just to go through and take the 15-30 minutes, answer the questions with Strongly Disagree to Strongly Agree, and to answer honestly, because they'll catch you cheating. Hahaha well, something like that. Basically they have a redundancy built into the questions, so it asks "Do you like to keep routine in your job?" and then 30 questions later (there were #158) they'd say "Do you like variety in your work?" and then "Do you dislike having routine?" hahaha. So I just tried to be consistent, and based on how it was worded, answer honestly. There were a few that I thought could be taken several ways, but I just answered it the first way that had come to mind, and left it at that.
So I passed the personality test! Apparently this initial tip of the iceberg assessment says that I have the personality type that would work with this job.
Then I was looking long and hard at the instructions for the cognitive exam, which sounded pretty much just like an IQ test. You have 8 minutes, 30 questions, progressively harder.
"It is very unlikely that you will finish all of the questions in the given time, simply answer them to the best of your ability and move on. Do not spend too much time on a single question."
I was pretty nervous to take it, because what if the internet died or something, but at the bottom of the page they say "If you suffer a power loss or loss of connection please call *-***-***-**** to arrange a re-exam" or something that extent.
So again, just like as I was submitting the essay wrote the personality test, I prayed and gave it all over to God. My success, my failure, this whole process. That His hand would be in it and that I would see His hand at work in it.
And I clicked 'Begin'. Super tense, me all giddily jumping in my chair.
False start. There's another page of instructions. Okay, now is the time. FREEEDOOO- oh. Nope. They have a practice test first, okay, three questions, lets rock this joint.
Ten seconds later (literally) I had correctly answered all three questions. Fair enough... Lets get this done with!!
Nope. Another page of instructions... Gosh, I thought they were just going to throw me into it!
Oh shoot, I need a pen and paper *scours the office*, darn, nothing. So I ran to Francois & Alta's place to borrow a pen. And then came running back in to begin!
Okay. Begin Test. Finally. Oh. Nope, one more page saying "After this the test will start".
At least they give fair warning!!
So then i started. :D
Which of the following is the opposite of Cold.
Chilly
Frigid
Tepid
Glacial
Frosty
-> Tepid, fair enough.
In the first 26 seconds I had completed the initial 4 questions. Each question is on a separate page, and once you submit your chosen answer the timer stops, saves your answer, and loads the next page. So I decided to keep track of my time, to see how far I would get. The thing that seemed to slow me down the most was not having my Logitech G15 mouse in my hand, I was craving the accuracy of that little guy to click the radio button and then down to the bottom of the page to click submit.
1:58, 11 Questions
2:33, 14 Questions
3:05, 17 Questions
4:02, 23 Questions
5:14, 29 Questions
6:05, 30 Questions.
Fin.
Then a review page popped up, and I was looking down at my scrap paper working out the last problem again and didn't realize the clock was still going. Crap.
6:17, Exit exam.
So I felt pretty good about myself at the end. I'm not sure if it's actually 'very unlikely' to finish that exam in 8 minutes, or if I'm just super speedy?
All I can say is that God's given me a brain, and IQ test scores from back in the day said its pretty well okay :)
So now I need to wait 'up to three business days' to get my results back on that one. I have to say I'd be pretty thrilled if they came within two days (January 12), but it's out of my control!
And now we play the waiting game...
Well we would, but I didn't post this last night.
This morning I already had gotten the message on the NAV Canada Applicant page saying that I was now moving onto the next phase! I have been given the greenlight on that exam. Haha I would love to see my score on it, I know I got the last question wrong but other than that I felt really good about it.
So now again... we play the waiting game. The next step is they email me to invite me to a 3 hour assessment session where I do a whole bevy of exams. But this portion of it takes place at my local Area Control Centre, so back in Edmonton. My part for now in this adventure is done! Let's hope and pray that the assessment isn't before I'm back in Mid-March! But Jesus has my back, so I know it will be okay.
Anyways, I'm starving. We're supposed to be painting the preschool after lunch with Francois, but it looks like the sun broke through the clouds (PS, please PRAY for rain!! We're so so desperate, and all of the crops will die if it doesn't rain lots.) and so it's going to be hot. Maybe too hot to be outside painting, but we'll see!!
Here are a few photos of our time in Africa. Just a few.
Huts in the community right near here.
Tendai & the good Sir Jeff
An unwelcome visitor! Bah.
The work team shovelling sand.
Cheers guys.
Lotsa love
Friday, December 25, 2009
A joyous encounter
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world. (Psalm 19:1-4_)
Today is Christmas Day; Dec 25, 2009.
To be honest it doesn't feel a lot like the Christmas that I'm used to back home in Canada. The weather here in Mozambique might be what's throwing me off the most, this great lack of snow, and feeling in my toes.
But while it doesn't feel like the traditional holiday out here to me, there's still something incredibly profound in the air.
Invasion day.
Christ, with all the fullness of God, became part of His creation in order to reconcile all things to Himself. Whether things on earth, or things in heaven, 'by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.'
All things were created by Him and for Him. He will sit enthroned forever; his renown endures through all generations.
This morning I woke up at around 7:45AM. I find it nearly impossible to sleep in here. That's the latest that I've ever slept here, as most mornings I'm up (even on days off) at around 6 or 6:30. There have even been a few days where I couldn't sleep past 530 so I just got up to spend some time sitting alone with Jesus. The real cause I think for most of this is that we go to bed really early on the farm. When the generator is shut off at 9pm, we head for bed. The latest that I've stayed up in the last month is 10:30pm.
Well, that was before last night. See, we had been invited to a Brazilian Missionary family's going away/it's Christmas, party. And true to form, we weren't faced with food until 9:30pm. I mean luckily we we warned about that, and we didn't arrive until 8pm anyways. But I somehow forgot to eat yesterday? I did have a few bits of baked goods at Dwight and Lynn's as we were doing some extra baking and watching Jingle All the Way with Arnold Schwarzen-guy, but besides that I didn't actually eat anything. I didn't notice until about 830pm, and when the food arrived I was ravenously hungry. After the meal we watched a short 'ode to the family' with seizure capabilities (the photo on screen changed about once a second hahaha), and then got settled in to play a game.
The game was Yankee Swap, or 'Dirty Santa'. They played this one in Season two of the office, episode... 14? It's the episode where Michael, the boss, buys an iPod for their office $20-or-under secret Santa party. Then when he receives a pair of knitted oven mitts, decides to change the game to Yankee Swap so that he can try and get a better gift. Basically you can choose to open a new gift, or take one that is already open. It was a lot of fun playing with this group, and people got pretty into it. The gifts were pretty random things, from a small box of chocolates, to some paper napkins, to random pieces of clothing. The look on one of the little girl's face as she opened this gift changed from sheer excitement, to bewilderment as she pulled an empty jar out of the wrapping. She had no idea what was going on.
Then after all 35 of us had taken the time to get up, unwrap a gift, debate about it, and then swap it, time was already running WAY past our bedtime. All of us at ASAM believe, 'Now is our time [to sleep]!'.
So after a hefty dessert, and some more talking around the table, we finally got ready to leave. Turns out we were picking up a vehicle from the family who is leaving, so we weren't quite out of Chimoio yet. At 01:40AM we arrived back at the farm, and by roundabout 01:50AM I was curling up on my cot.
So, 6 hours later when I woke up I wasn't quite ready for it. I was tired and yawning, but really was not able to sleep any longer. I decided to head over to the guest cottage and see what was going on. No one was around, as I had kindof figured, being 7:45 on Christmas morning after having been up 4 hours past bedtime last night. I sat down on the couch that smells like dog, and decided to finish Forgotten God (Francis Chan). Well technically, I had already finished it, and the last bit of reading in it is a chapter from his first book Crazy Love. But i still really wanted to read it again.
In these pages he is describing the awesomeness of God. His power, His holiness, His love, His just nature. It was really a powerful time of worship for me as I just kneeled before this God, soaking in His presence.
While I was worshipping, I felt that I should lay prostrate on the floor before Him. I then had a vision that I was approaching the entryway to His throne-room. As I stood at the threshold, I was breathless and in total awe of the magnificence of Him on the throne. Suddenly I felt His holy gaze focus on me. I have no way to describe it. In that moment I felt completely vulnerable, completely stripped of all of my excuses and defences. It was such a moment of fear, the righteous God enthroned before me in the centre of His temple. Transfixed by His 'eyes' I didn't know what to do or say. I was reminded of Isaiah and thinking of all of my sin I cried out "I'm not worthy!!". Being beside His pure holiness I felt so... evil. All at once I was overcome with the shame of things I had done, I was so afraid because He is just, and I don't deserve to live for another instant on this earth, or the next.
I don't know how long I stood there for. But suddenly I was reminded 'I have a plea', and I had confidence. I shouted "Jesus!!!" from the core of my heart and soul, and there He was. I was still standing at the threshold of the room. The Father on His throne was to my left in the centre of the room, and Jesus stepped out of the fog of brilliance (which filled the whole room) into my sight. I felt the LORD God look from me, to His Son, and then back to me. He extended the rod in his right hand towards me (reminiscent to me of the story of Esther), and it was as if He smiled at me. I stepped into the throneroom, and again was overcome with what can only be described as pure, unadulterated, emotion. I fell to my knees in worship, and saw Jesus step closer to me. He reached out His hand, and traced the image of a cross on my forehead. I closed my eyes as I felt His blood slick on my skin. He was atoning for my sin. Taking me back to the cross.
God being outside of time, completely permeates it with His presence. He can take us to moments where we have been broken, and heal us there. Because He is still there, just as much as He is here with us right now, and just as much as he is with us 5 years from now, 20 years from now. He's thinking about the day He gets to take you home. He's there, right now, with you. Your hand in His walking into His Father's throneroom saying, with that big old grin on His face, "Look Dad, here he is."
I opened my eyes, looking into His face and said "I accept Your cross Jesus, I accept your blood." My entire self, my whole being, my whole consciousness, was consumed with His presence. He was in all of me. He'd been waiting for my invitation.
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. (1 Cor 6:19-20_)
Seeing the God of the Universe like that, so indescribable and awesome and holy. And then knowing that He's waiting for us to ask Him into our lives? For us to choose to accept His gift? It blew me away. One day we all will bow. I know that for sure. It wasn't a question in my mind before, but now it's a totally new level of understanding.
We all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. (2 Cor 3:18_)
Amen. Let us throw off all that hinders us. Let's run towards Him with abandon. Let our lives become 'even more undignified' for His glorious name.
Let the rocks be kept silent for one more day.
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world. (Psalm 19:1-4_)
Today is Christmas Day; Dec 25, 2009.
To be honest it doesn't feel a lot like the Christmas that I'm used to back home in Canada. The weather here in Mozambique might be what's throwing me off the most, this great lack of snow, and feeling in my toes.
But while it doesn't feel like the traditional holiday out here to me, there's still something incredibly profound in the air.
Invasion day.
Christ, with all the fullness of God, became part of His creation in order to reconcile all things to Himself. Whether things on earth, or things in heaven, 'by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.'
All things were created by Him and for Him. He will sit enthroned forever; his renown endures through all generations.
This morning I woke up at around 7:45AM. I find it nearly impossible to sleep in here. That's the latest that I've ever slept here, as most mornings I'm up (even on days off) at around 6 or 6:30. There have even been a few days where I couldn't sleep past 530 so I just got up to spend some time sitting alone with Jesus. The real cause I think for most of this is that we go to bed really early on the farm. When the generator is shut off at 9pm, we head for bed. The latest that I've stayed up in the last month is 10:30pm.
Well, that was before last night. See, we had been invited to a Brazilian Missionary family's going away/it's Christmas, party. And true to form, we weren't faced with food until 9:30pm. I mean luckily we we warned about that, and we didn't arrive until 8pm anyways. But I somehow forgot to eat yesterday? I did have a few bits of baked goods at Dwight and Lynn's as we were doing some extra baking and watching Jingle All the Way with Arnold Schwarzen-guy, but besides that I didn't actually eat anything. I didn't notice until about 830pm, and when the food arrived I was ravenously hungry. After the meal we watched a short 'ode to the family' with seizure capabilities (the photo on screen changed about once a second hahaha), and then got settled in to play a game.
The game was Yankee Swap, or 'Dirty Santa'. They played this one in Season two of the office, episode... 14? It's the episode where Michael, the boss, buys an iPod for their office $20-or-under secret Santa party. Then when he receives a pair of knitted oven mitts, decides to change the game to Yankee Swap so that he can try and get a better gift. Basically you can choose to open a new gift, or take one that is already open. It was a lot of fun playing with this group, and people got pretty into it. The gifts were pretty random things, from a small box of chocolates, to some paper napkins, to random pieces of clothing. The look on one of the little girl's face as she opened this gift changed from sheer excitement, to bewilderment as she pulled an empty jar out of the wrapping. She had no idea what was going on.
Then after all 35 of us had taken the time to get up, unwrap a gift, debate about it, and then swap it, time was already running WAY past our bedtime. All of us at ASAM believe, 'Now is our time [to sleep]!'.
So after a hefty dessert, and some more talking around the table, we finally got ready to leave. Turns out we were picking up a vehicle from the family who is leaving, so we weren't quite out of Chimoio yet. At 01:40AM we arrived back at the farm, and by roundabout 01:50AM I was curling up on my cot.
So, 6 hours later when I woke up I wasn't quite ready for it. I was tired and yawning, but really was not able to sleep any longer. I decided to head over to the guest cottage and see what was going on. No one was around, as I had kindof figured, being 7:45 on Christmas morning after having been up 4 hours past bedtime last night. I sat down on the couch that smells like dog, and decided to finish Forgotten God (Francis Chan). Well technically, I had already finished it, and the last bit of reading in it is a chapter from his first book Crazy Love. But i still really wanted to read it again.
In these pages he is describing the awesomeness of God. His power, His holiness, His love, His just nature. It was really a powerful time of worship for me as I just kneeled before this God, soaking in His presence.
While I was worshipping, I felt that I should lay prostrate on the floor before Him. I then had a vision that I was approaching the entryway to His throne-room. As I stood at the threshold, I was breathless and in total awe of the magnificence of Him on the throne. Suddenly I felt His holy gaze focus on me. I have no way to describe it. In that moment I felt completely vulnerable, completely stripped of all of my excuses and defences. It was such a moment of fear, the righteous God enthroned before me in the centre of His temple. Transfixed by His 'eyes' I didn't know what to do or say. I was reminded of Isaiah and thinking of all of my sin I cried out "I'm not worthy!!". Being beside His pure holiness I felt so... evil. All at once I was overcome with the shame of things I had done, I was so afraid because He is just, and I don't deserve to live for another instant on this earth, or the next.
I don't know how long I stood there for. But suddenly I was reminded 'I have a plea', and I had confidence. I shouted "Jesus!!!" from the core of my heart and soul, and there He was. I was still standing at the threshold of the room. The Father on His throne was to my left in the centre of the room, and Jesus stepped out of the fog of brilliance (which filled the whole room) into my sight. I felt the LORD God look from me, to His Son, and then back to me. He extended the rod in his right hand towards me (reminiscent to me of the story of Esther), and it was as if He smiled at me. I stepped into the throneroom, and again was overcome with what can only be described as pure, unadulterated, emotion. I fell to my knees in worship, and saw Jesus step closer to me. He reached out His hand, and traced the image of a cross on my forehead. I closed my eyes as I felt His blood slick on my skin. He was atoning for my sin. Taking me back to the cross.
God being outside of time, completely permeates it with His presence. He can take us to moments where we have been broken, and heal us there. Because He is still there, just as much as He is here with us right now, and just as much as he is with us 5 years from now, 20 years from now. He's thinking about the day He gets to take you home. He's there, right now, with you. Your hand in His walking into His Father's throneroom saying, with that big old grin on His face, "Look Dad, here he is."
I opened my eyes, looking into His face and said "I accept Your cross Jesus, I accept your blood." My entire self, my whole being, my whole consciousness, was consumed with His presence. He was in all of me. He'd been waiting for my invitation.
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. (1 Cor 6:19-20_)
Seeing the God of the Universe like that, so indescribable and awesome and holy. And then knowing that He's waiting for us to ask Him into our lives? For us to choose to accept His gift? It blew me away. One day we all will bow. I know that for sure. It wasn't a question in my mind before, but now it's a totally new level of understanding.
We all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. (2 Cor 3:18_)
Amen. Let us throw off all that hinders us. Let's run towards Him with abandon. Let our lives become 'even more undignified' for His glorious name.
Let the rocks be kept silent for one more day.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Personality is Spaghetti
Wow, time flies so fast now adays it's actually ridiculous. We have just a few more days of classes left, then nearly two weeks off (to learn the courses) before finals hit. Once that week of potential hell is over with, I'm free for 4 months!! Weird. Time flies. It feels like i've just started first year, but now I'm done second year nearly. It doesn't feel real.
I have this reoccurring fear that one morning I'll wake up and none of it will have been real. The past year won't have happened yet. I'll be single, looking for friends, done first year, and searching for a high paying summer job (LOL).
Waking up, would I do it all over again?
Would I do things differently knowing how they turned out?
Would I take the passion that i've found, the changes that i've made, and run with them to new heights? Or would I simply fall back into my thoughts and life of a year ago?
I
Don't
Want
That.
The Lord has shown me amazing things these past 10 months- well more like past ... several years! And I want more.
I don't want to be the same as I was a year ago.
A year from now I hope to not be the same person that I am today.
I want to have grown.
Matured. Evolved. Progressed.
Whatever you'll call it. I don't want to be the same!!
I still want to be a man on God, wholly pursuing Him. Deeply in love with Him, passionately seeking His great name!!
I want to be who I need to be a year from now.
God has called every one of us to a grand purpose, and I plan to be there when He comes for me to fulfill my calling.
Every. Single. Day.
While there may be a specific day that is a huge divine appointment set up for us, I believe that God uses our 'little actions' to move mountains that we may never have seen.
I am the LORD, and there is no other;
apart from me there is no God.
I will strengthen you,
though you have not acknowledged me,
so that from the rising of the sun
to the place of its setting
men may know there is none besides me.
I am the LORD, and there is no other.
Isaiah 45:5-6
Matthew West - The Centre
God forbid I start to think I’m on a roll now
‘Cause I do believe there is a battle for my soul now
And I can feel the world fighting for control now
I must be onto somethin’
So help me hold on just a little bit longer
‘Cause all this struggle’s gonna do is make me stronger
This is the everyday prayer of my heart
I just wanna stay where You are
I wanna know how it feels to be
Standing in the center of Your will for me
I wanna know what surrender means
Keep me in the center of Your will for me
Lord, help me hold on
Help me be strong
I don’t wanna move unless You move me
---
This song just came on and I really felt it so fitting to my own personal struggle, which is more or less the same struggle as every other human being goes through!! Right now wondering about where God will take my life.
Where I'll live. Where I'll work. What I'll do. Who I'll marry. What will my kids be like.
While they may not be pertinent to the here and now of my existence, and while I still trust that His plans outdo mine any day of the week, I still wonder. It's not that I'm doubting it, it's that I'm excited and wanting to see what's in store! I understand that sometimes He will hide His plans from us so that we may learn to live in the here and now more. Make each day count for the most, instead of simply showing us the best and then me wanting it right now (without having lived and worked for it). I fully get that.
Sigh. Here's a spaghetti.
It annoys me that even as i say something like "so that we learn to live in the here and now more", I am immediately forming a defense in my mind against people (CHRISTIANS) who would attack me for saying that. Not that there's anything inherently evil about it! But they'd be sure to say things like "Well we aren't supposed to live for life on earth. Our citizenship is in heaven and we should ONLY concern ourselves with eternal heavenly things!!!" >:|
ADUURRRRRRRRRRR!!!! 4-SRSLY?? Like, you really think that I'm saying we should concern ourselves with earthly things instead? It's like you have some sort of disorder, that you attack others because you're afraid of it in your own life. So you pick out any little thing in someone else's to critique and 'help' them on, when really it's out of fear and pride that you are attacking them! You aren't HELPING them!!
Let me make that point clear.
You. Aren't. Helping. Them. By. Doing. THAT.
If you really loved them? And if you were really concerned about their theology, beliefs, even salvation? Ask them. Simply ask them.
"When you said this the other day it made it sound like you believe *such and such* about this, and I wanted to see where you were going with it :) "
If they respond with "Really?? Wow, I meant it like this *explains*, and actually firmly agree that we need to focus on these things." Then you've spared yourself prideful thoughts, slanderous accusations, and loss of credibility with your brothers.
Attacking them with your beliefs and shoving them down their throat, telling them that they are an abomination of the faith for saying something like that, is cause for me to question what YOU believe! Because that right there is detrimental to the UNITY of the body that Christ, and henceforth his apostles, so strongly preached and called us to.
I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought. 1 Cor 1:10
Finally, brothers, good-bye. Aim for perfection, listen to my appeal, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you. 2 Cor 13:11
May our dependably steady and warmly personal God develop maturity in you so that you get along with each other as well as Jesus gets along with us all. Then we'll be a choir—not only our voices, but our very lives singing in harmony in a stunning anthem to the God and Father of our Master Jesus! Romans 15:5-6
If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.
Phil 2:1-4
So guys, LOVE ONE ANOTHER.
Love eachother.
Love your parents.
Love your siblings.
Love that weird uncle with the funny hair.
Love the quiet guy who sits behind you in class, even though it's university and you probably don't know your friends' names that you've hung out with for two terms now because you forgot it five minutes after you were introduced and then felt too embarrassed to ask.
Don't worry about it though, because odds are they have no idea what your name is either =)
And if the quiet guy is a little weird... might be better to be extra nice to him before he snaps. Because it happens. People are lonely. People are hurt. People need love.
I'm not talking romantic love or sexual love or heck even physical love like hugs and stuff.
Talk to someone. Listen to them.
Actually give a damn about someone other than yourself.
Feel for them, because honestly? It's other people who can make us feel like we're a human.
You can change someone's entire world, by treating them like an actual person for what might be the first time in their life.
I've been there before, and let me tell you. It blows chunks.
But you and I? We can change things. We have the love and power of Christ in us!!
The same love that died in our place.
The same power that raised Christ from the grave.
And that my friends? Offers hope.
Hope to the world that so desperately needs it.
Hope for my life that I can do something meaningful and fulfilling.
Because frankly, that's exactly what I want my life to be :)
Cheers and peace out.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
RAWR!!
I thought this photo was an epic way to begin my blog.
Well now! Where was I??
So. Lots of good news to share!!
God is fantastic!
And to be totally honest I have no idea where to start with these things i want to say.
I will start with a story!
The past month has been INSANE!
It all began February 18th. David and I were on our way to Sarah Mckone's final shindig before she bailed to the Daniel Company internship, when he turned to me and said "Have you prayed about this field trip to Regina?" (That i was leaving for at 8 the next morning)
I hadn't. Why would I have prayed about it? It didn't seem to me like something I'd pray about, it was a field trip! But I decided to see why David asked, "No, why?"
"Well I asked God about it just before i picked you up, and I really felt that you shouldn't go."
"What did you hear Him say?"
"That if you went you'd have a lot of fun, and it would be a 'good' weekend. And that if you stay home you'll be bored, and basically get depressed about it. And after you knowing that, He wants you to stay home."
"Oh... :\ okay."
I had already paid my non-refundable trip costs, but decided that David was a trustworthy source and I really wanted to be obedient to the Lord! So after her party i went home and spent an hour or so reading the Word and in prayer, seeing if I would get a word about it.
I didn't. The only thing I felt was a slight bit more peace when I decided that I would NOT go, over when i decided that I would. So I sent off the emails to tell people I couldn't make it on the trip. My friends were really disappointed to say the least, and I didn't know how to explain it to most of them. Heck! Haha the only reason *I* had for not going was that God asked me not to. Without even a bigger reason behind it for me to see!
So I stayed home and sure enough. It was SO boring! I tried getting into the bible, and journalling or something, but everything seemed so dry to me. By the end of the weekend I honestly felt so depressed. I knew that i was supposed to be home, and I took SOME comfort in that, but had no idea what His reasoning was, or if i would ever understand. Hahaha even right now as I am writing this, more things are dawning on me that happened that weekend. But all in good time :)
Breakthrough came on the monday or tuesday night following (Feb 23/24), when Sarah Mckone called to see how I was.
Sidenote: Sarah is awesome. I dunno if she'll ever read this haha, but God has put her heavily on my heart for like 4 years now. To pray for her, to worry about her, to love her. And I do... all of the above! Hahaha. I really do think of her as my little sister =), and love her as if she were! Somedays I miss her a lot, but I know Jesus' got her. So it's all good!
Sorry Sarah! Hahaha, I had to. <3
When she sensed that I felt down she started telling me to speak against the depressed feelings, to start finding and claiming Christ's promises to us that are in the scriptures, and then to run with those! And even just hearing her SAY those things, brought me SO much joy and encouragement and peace. Because... well I've worried a lot about her over the years, and prayed that she would see Jesus like this for a long time. And it was finally starting! I'm pretty sure i broke down into tears right then out of praise to God for all that He was doing haha. It was an awesome moment.
After her encouragement to dig into the Word I began to do that every day that week. I fell in love with reading it, and felt like I was seeing so many things that I had never seen before. I found some crazy verses in colossians, and philippians, and was reading these passages over and over. Trying to understand the wording of some, and just pouring over the sheer depth of the others!
For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. Phil 1:21
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20
He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross. Colossians 1:15-20
These verses, and so many others, got me back on track to my personal love-relationship with Jesus :)
The weekend following this transformation of mind, involved some really incredible times of worship. The first was saturday at Summerside, followed by a fellowship meal with family and friends Sunday morning. Sunday afternoon I spent alone in my room reading the word and worshipping with my heart and mind and body. God is so good!! Oh man, I can't contain my joy. Even now as i write I feel the presence of the Lord around me =).
Sunday night I attended Millwoods Pen with my friend Stephanie, who I had met months before but only began talking to her the weekend prior to this, at City Centre. It was a decent service, good worship, and the message was actually pretty awesome until he came out with his REAL point that we need to be tree-huggers. Valid point for stewardship, but I think Christ is more concerned with how His bride is at the moment... But that's just my thought!!
Hahaha after that we watched Singing in the Rain starring Gene Kelly. It's pretty much fantastic. All in all a great weekend, right? Lots of worship, lots of fellowship, lots of the word, it was a time of so much peace and joy and comfort and passion.
And i didn't want it to end. So I gave Monday to the Lord and stayed home to keep it going! I finished off a book I had been working on (Crazy Love) , and started another (God out of the Box). They were powerful and challenging, and it was another really awesome day in His presence!! That night was worship night at Summerside to boot!
So i started sending out many invitations to my friends for worship night.
One showed up.
It was my friend Chantelle from Blessings who I hadn't seen in a while. So that was sweet getting to catch up and talk.
Worship started. Actually I should say music started, because it sure didn't feel like many of us were in the right mindset to worship, and were preoccupied with the rest of our lives.
Robs, my bro 'leading' the worship night, was the first to say something and suddenly stopped playing guitar.
"Guys, I dunno what you're here for. I think we need to get our hearts right before God before we come back together to worship Him. Go. Pray for eachother. We'll know when to come back :)"
So we prayed, and it was so encouraging for me. As soon as my friend Darrell began to pray for me I started hearing words from the Lord, and seeing visions. And I love being able to use things like that to bring encouragement to other people!!
It was like "After you're done praying here, go tell this person you want to pray with them and take them over there. Share this story from your life with him, he'll relate." Then I'd go do that, and as soon as it was done I would hear "Now go find this person, she left, and I want you to go talk with her :)".
So anyways, at the end of the night pretty much everyone there had been in tears at one point or another. It was a good night.
Then they were like "Murrey has decided to get baptized!!! so we're going to Arnie's hottub right now to baptize him :D"
then i went to Arnie and was like "Hey man, can i get baptized tonight too?? "
":| you're not baptized yet!?-WELL YEAH MAN!!!"
Then i remembered that my friend Jeff and i had decided that we wanted to get baptized at the same time, both being ready and willing.
So i called him up right then and was like "DUDE, i'm getting baptized tonight in Arnies hottub. Do you wanna partake in this awesomeness?"
"YEAH!! Right now?? I'll be right there"
So he got out of bed and got ready and came to my place where my surprised parents were waiting hahaha. I had called them with 'hey... so what are you guys up to right now? Oh, going to bed.. well i'm going to Arnies in a few to get baptized :P wanna come?"
So they came, and there were SO many of my friends from our church/house church/bible study there. It was so amazing. In the end four of us got baptized that night! And even better was that my dad got to baptize Jeff and I too!! So it was better than I could have ever planned or envisioned. The only thing I felt was missing was that Sarah Mckone, and Malika (and Andrew) weren't there. I mean if Jesus came out of heaven in all His glory that would have been sweet too, but I seriously felt Him there. And just total joy and peace and oh man, like words cannot describe!!
Me, Murrey, Jeff, Pascal
So that week was incredible, and has led to more crazy stories, and words, and times of worship, and new friends. And Yeah. Basically it's been crazy awesome and I can't describe it. The last two weeks were similar and yet totally different. I've learned so much, and the more I learn literally, the less I feel like I know. Which is reassuring and scary all at the same time haha!
Now onto my other style of blogging, things I have learned!
Things I have been learning:
1) God has a plan for each and every person. Like, a majorly fantastic plan. If you are a human, He's got a plan for you :)
2) We can realize these plans and potentials that He has placed in us when we listen & OBEY.
3) He loves us more than we can possibly fathom, and is knocking on the door to your life wanting you to let Him in.
4) When we accept His gift and the sacrifice of Jesus' death on the cross, we are free. Free from sin, from guilt, from accusation. The chains have been broken that we were once bound by. When we surrender our everything to Him, there is no bondage that can hold us back from His perfect love and plan for our lives!
5) We need to now walk in the freedom He has bought for us! Walk in His love and power and BE transformed.
So we need to start acting on these things instead of sitting here simply asking. It's good to ask, Jesus tells us to ask and He will pour out. But then after we ask, believe that He's done it, and MOVE!
We already have freedom! Christ broke the chains holding us, but we still have to walk out of the prison cell.
Us standing there in the cell with the chains already broken, crying "God free me!! Free me! Why won't you free me?! I'm still in this cell. Free me!" , when we can walk out of the cell, is futile!
God is saying "You're free! Now run after Me. Seek Me. Thirst for more of Me. You won't be disappointed. Crave me. Ask Me for more of ME! I want to give you more!! I want you to be with Me, and for you to know Me so much more. Don't worry about your past, I'll cover that. I've already taken care of it. You're with Me in the present now, live in the present. I've won, the victory has been decided since before time began. Now side with me, I don't WANT to be apart from you. I love you!!! CHOOSE ME!!!"
Every day He calls us like this. Calls us to pick up our crosses, and follow Him to that place of death. To consciously choose to die to ourselves, to paddle furiously towards His perfect love, or else we start drifting back down the river. It's what happens. Plain and simple. But THAT is why He calls out to us!! Because He wants us.
Everyday I'm one way or another reminded of the implications of my actions. How when i choose to love God, and love others, how that changes things. Both things in the physical, and in the spiritual realm as well. I think it'd be crazy to see how far the ripples of our lives spread! :D
I don't think i'd be strong enough to see it in this lifetime without falling to pride and thinking that somehow these things were because of me or something *I* was able to do. Yes, Christ uses us. But in the end? Nihil sine deo. I am nothing without God.
In contrast, the ripple effect of our lives occurs for good AND evil.
As much as it would without a doubt pain me to see, I want to bear witness to the horrible influence my actions have had on other people. How I sent them on a course that is far away from Jesus because of things i said to them, did with them, influenced them to do, or didn't stop them FROM doing. I think about these people and how they might be going to HELL, because of me. This breaks my heart so deeply.
I cannot even BEGIN to imagine the anguish Christ feels because of this.
I would do anything to go back and fix these things. To do something differently. Not in an attempt to lessen my sin, but to try and show these people the man i was supposed to be. Instead of who i was to them.
Unfortunately, I have no control over space and time.
So I must choose to live out each day NOW, to the glory of my God and my King :)
And at the same time try to tell these people what I've found, and lead them back into the truth!
Again, this isn't so that I will be seen as less of a horrible person or something, but because my heart breaks for the people I've hurt.
But I'm very curious to see how far 'good' actions go. Helping someone, listening, praying for someone, giving of your time/money, just smiling at people. I hope that someday I get to see how my actions influenced people to run towards God. How all these things that I do in the name of Jesus actually have an impact on people's lives, and seeing the prayers that were answered that I never went back to check on. I think that would be so cool to see the interconnection of it all.
As for quality time with God, I really do see that as being SO vitally important. When i miss even a day of reading the Word now I start seeing things in my life that i'm like 'whoa Carey! Where did THAT come from?" And then i recall that i missed reading the bible the past day or two. Basically it's pretty important :). And i've also been trying to be around things like worship music more, just so i find my heart more in line with Jesus that much more often. It's reminding me to constantly be in a prayerful and praiseful attitude in whatever I am engaged in!
The 'great cloud of witnesses' mentioned in Hebrews 12 is another thing that I've thought of more as of recent as well. I mean my whole life i've been taught "God is watching, so don't screw up." right? And sometimes that kept me in check, othertimes I've been like "pfft. w/e" and carried on with what i was doing, knowing God was watching and that whatever i was doing was straight up disobedience. The past few months/weeks i've been learning so much it seems, and really putting God more where He deserves (and desires) to be. Anyways, so it came to mind about the great cloud of witnesses watching us run. These are all the people who have gone before us in Christ. All the saints from the ages are up in heaven cheering us on in the battle we're engaged in! It's encouraging (at least to me haha) to know that even when we seem alone in our fight, Christ is there with his angels battling RIGHT beside us, and there are millions of people, fellow warriors who stood their ground, rooting for us from the throne-room of the Most High, hoping to get to meet us one day.
"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled."
The Lord is always true to His word.
Seek Him! Not passively, but seek him like you NEED Him to survive!! (Which we do, but fail to realize most of the time)
This is a brief excerpt from The Final Quest, a sweet book i just finished. It's this vision this pastor dude had, and it's very powerful and eye-opening to a lot of things. This is the Lord speaking to him.
"Those who are like Me are also true to their own words. Their word is sure, and their commitments are trustworthy. Their 'yes' means 'yes,' and their 'no' means 'no.' If your own words are not true, you will also begin to doubt My Words because deception is in your heart. If you are not faithful to your own words, it is because you do not really know Me. To have faith, you must be faithful. I have called you to walk by faith because I am faithful. it is My nature. .... Words have power, and those who are careless with words cannot be trusted with the power of My Word. It is wisdom to be careful with your words, and to keep them as I do Mine."
This too really blew me away, because i started to recount many careless words that I have spoken, or never intended to keep. But the point of exhortations are never to pile on guilt and shame, but to expose Truth and bring us closer to the Father :)
He is saying that we can walk in faith because He is always faithful. Semper Fi. And this inspires me to watch what *I* say and to keep my word. To be a man of integrity, who is known for just that.
These are some photos from my recent escapade to Banff.
I think that is about all for now! I'll write about the past two weeks soon, and have even more to share I'm sure. The Lord is good everyday, and everyday crazy stuff happens :D I hope i see it, and then can share it with you!! ....Whoever... you might be. No one actually reads this. I mean Stephanie probably will. Sarah and my parents might come across it. Other than that? Maybe, maybe Mrs Lagore haha. The funny thing is that most of you who read my blogs are already up to date with my 'life'! Yes, i have to put it in quotations because someone else might actually think i have one, and we can't have that.
So my blog should mostly be my thoughts, instead of simply events. I really do prefer thoughts and ideas, inquiries and commentaries, rather than simply retelling my day. Because I usually have more passion behind those things ;)
And passion, is what it's about.
Here's a video to finish off with. Ya know, give you even more to digest. I'm cool like that. Apparently my stomach is not. Grumbling and groaning like a grumpy cat all the time.
Cheers, love love.
Carey.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
